Briefly, I'd like to say Thank You to those who have joined my blog and also to those who have viewed my blog but have not joined yet. Thanks so much! You are wonderful.
It may seem a bit crazy to express some of your inner most thoughts on the world wide web, trust me I know. I just found out what a blog was relatively recently... lol, this is a new experience for me. I felt a real need to write and share. Life can seem like a roller coaster sometimes on the inside and let's not even talk about the outside world. That is one of the reasons why I share.
Honestly, sharing makes me a bit nervous and I sometimes fear judgement, and that's also why I do it, to face my fears. What is fear anyway? It's a self created prision that keeps on whispering in our ears " you can't" or "you shouldn't". By doing what I fear it takes away it's power and liberates my soul.
Quick story, I have always feared heights and by pushing through it I am now able to stand at the edge of a high cathedral outdoor rooftop. The thought of this very rooftop would have caused my tummy to ache and legs to turn into jello pudding but now, I can go up there and just focus on the beauty.
My goal is to do one thing that is scary or makes me nervous daily. Sometimes, it is just as simple as telling the truth that we are not telling or saying I love you.
Please feel free to share.
Blessings
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Baring my soul on the subject of fear:
ReplyDeleteSomeone else I respect a lot has also suggested the idea of doing one thing that scares you each day. Although I've mulled this idea over in my head a lot, especially since I came across it for the second time in your blog entry, I haven't really gotten around to consciously doing it. Now, I think that's because I haven't stopped to think about what I fear. I'm at the point where I'm wondering if what I fear is fear itself. You see, I seem to have sort of an ambivalent attitude towards fear. I give it very little thought, and when I do, for the brief and insignificant moment the thought lasts, I tend to brush it off with a kind of malformed, incomplete conclusion that goes something like this: It's probably impossible that I have no fear(s) whatsoever, but I can't think of anything that REALLY scares me, therefore I'm not really sure what I fear or if I really do FEAR anything in any strong, soul- shaking way, SO... it doesn't really matter anyway and why am I thinking of this, I have more interesting things to do right now.
Now, let me share an anecdotal bit.
For the past three years, I've been living in bear country. If you know anything about bears, as I do from having read lots about them and having seen and interacted with them in the wild, they are generally NOT the least bit interested in humans. Unless you get between a mother and her cubs or you have the misfortune of coming across an aggressive bear that's been habituated to humans thanks to our leaving our food and trash in its habitat, a bear nearby in the woods will not attack you while you're hiking, biking, or jogging on the trail. It probably can't stand the smell of you, it definitely doesn't enjoy the noise you're making, and it's far more interested in foraging for berries or bugs or in catching fish if you happen to be jogging by a river during the spawning season. Statistically, you're in FAR more danger of being involved in a deadly accident each time you get into a car than you are of being mauled to death by a bear each time you step into the woods.
Knowing all this, I still, after three years of living here, have not been able to shake the feeling that follows me into the woods every time I go for a hike, a jog, or a bike ride. I've even had more than a handful of close- range encounters with black bears, where they've all looked at me briefly, decided I wasn't of any interest to them, and then moved away from me- there was even one case where the bear, who was about 10 feet away with its back facing me, didn't even bother to turn around and look at me as I jogged by because it was too involved in whatever it was doing (digging up worms, presumably.) Still, even with the background knowledge I have and the straight- up experience of these encounters, I have a hard time finding the will to go into the forest alone and I end up being heavily dependent on other people, so that I can find some comfort in our greater number. And, unfortunately, I've developed this SERIOUSLY annoying habit of being freaked out by every single noise I hear, whether it's a bird flying off a branch or a squirrel running through some leaves on the ground. I get jumpy and I scare unnecessarily and despite the fact that I can enjoy my hike (or jog or bike ride) regardless of that, because these are the things I love to do in life, I still find myself having trouble just relaxing. And the whole point of getting out into nature is to relax, now that you're away from civilization and its noise and stress.
(Continued...)
(Continuation...)
ReplyDeleteNow, here's the weird thing- I don't consider myself someone who's AFRAID of (or who fears) bears. Because my rational mind knows that they're pretty chill and it's all good. And emotionally, I actually think bears are the shit- they're intelligent, beautiful animals with all kinds of crazy folklore and mythology surrounding them, and I have posters and photos of them and books on them because I'm absolutely fascinated with them. So what is it, then, that makes me so easily freaked out? The only thing I've been able to come up with is paranoia. If you define paranoia as a state in which you're hyper- sensitive to everything around you, then I believe that I manifest some kind of paranoia every time I hear a noise in the forest, no matter how small or how unrelated it is to bears (I've actually screamed upon hearing an unexpected bird call...), because I'm hyper- sensitive to my environment and my brain somehow makes the association of something happening, like a breeze rustling the leaves, with ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE, like, "holy shit that could be bear a moving through the bush and coming to get me because even though it's highly unlikely, you never really know." I know it sounds crazy, but that's why paranoia is, after all, considered a setback (at best) in neurological sciences.
Now, I feel fortunate, and I'm grateful, that I'm at least AWARE of this, that I know it's not normal, and that it's something I can try to work with over time. I'm not sure if there's anything I can do about it on my own. Since it's only become clear to me now that I have paranoid tendencies, I have no idea whether it's just mild paranoia arising from the fact that I spent most of my life in the city and it'll take me more than three years living in bear country to truly get used to it, or it's an actual case of paranoia due to some kind of chemical imbalance in my brain that only medication will ever truly get rid of. I'd like to give myself a chance and think that I can face my demons and overcome them with time, without having to cave in to medical help. After all, even though I'm as paranoid as I am, I still go into the woods. I still go for hikes in the backcountry and camp in subalpine meadows and bike on trails cutting through blueberry bushes. I haven't let the paranoia cripple me into retreating from my favourite activities in life, the things that make me feel alive. Even though all I may be fearing is fear itself, I'm still, by the looks of it, getting out there and doing something that makes me nervous as often as I feel I can (and loving it!)... does that count for something?
(Continued...)
(Continuation and final installment...)
ReplyDeleteJust one more thing, in conclusion. I'd like to draw a line hypothetically linking my kind of paranoia to the concept of fear, in general. If we're going to assess the value of fear along that line, then I'd have to say that if anything, even though my understanding of my relationship to fear is really incomplete and still needs a lot of thought, what I HAVE experienced of fear has only helped me understand more about myself, on the deepest of levels (i.e, uncovering my paranoia, my weaknesses, my tendency toward irrational behaviour) and, in that sense, has really been an enriching experience. Given that, I think that fear, although it's the most uncomfortable, unnerving, and surely, at times, painful of feelings, exists for a reason and is incredibly valuable. In the case of animals, fear is a biological instinct that's integral to their survival. While this is true for us, as well, we have the added dimension of being intellectually profound creatures, and I think that psychological fear can be of great service to us on this level also if we accept it, embrace it, and step right out into it to take it on.
I really appreciate the opening that your blog entry created for me to talk about this, because it's something that's been bothering me for a long time and writing about it has helped me organize my ideas and make more sense of them for myself. I hope that, in the process, I've been able to give something of interest back to you.
R! Thanks so much for sharing, wow, you really gave me lots to think about here. Okay, I certainly think that you are walking in the right direction because you don't allow the whole "bear nervousness/anxiety" to prevent you from enjoying nature. I know someone that walks alone in the forest at night in order to challenge fear! Would you try that?
ReplyDeleteMy blog is all about sharing and getting things out so that they can be examined. Freedom to express yourself is so healing! I THANK YOU for getting that off your chest and I have full confidence that you will work through it in positive way cause you are a tough cookie, and a very aware person.
PS: So sorry for my long delay in responding. Share anytime!
Lots of Love