Shopaholic?

"Okay, this is serious now"...I thought to myself while loading the 8th over stuffed rock heavy garbage bag into the backseat of the car. Each bag was filled with clothing; about 50 % of that clothing had never been worn or had been worn once or twice. "This is normal for a city girl on her own...right?" I tried to convince myself to no avail. After a long night with too many thoughts, I realised that the truth was that shopping made me feel better about myself and the right outfit would bring me a sense of confidence. Of course TRUE confidence can only come from within and the establishment of self love and self realization, I know this with all of my heart, however being it is a process. New clothing would make me feel pretty, hopeful and re-invented. Gifts to myself I would call my outfits, but those "gifts" actually ended up sucking energy from me and becoming enormous mountains of clutter. The most valuable gifts cannot be touched because they lay within.

I keep on learning over and over again that material gifts are fleeting. I have a confession to make; I have purchased clothing before with the secret thought that it could change life...no joke. I remember buying a coat that made me look very well put together and felt that it would be the beginning of newer and greater things to come. Of course the coat got linty after awhile and the cloak of hopes faded eventually.

I'm actually thankful for that experience (which has never been outwardly shared); it taught me to look deeper into myself and to realize that it's about who I am and not how I look or what I wear. It's why I am working on changing and growing out of my old habits, thoughts and energies.I am now working on smiling from the inside and not always searching for the perfect outfit to make me shine.

My clothing had ended up drowning me, and so I began to purge! The space clearing that I did yesterday begun at 10am and did not stop till 9:30 pm (breaks included*). I had help for the first 3 hours thankfully; the vast majority of all that time was spent clearing out my closet of clothing! Oh man, did it ever feel great! I felt like weight was being removed from my chest and that I could breathe again or maybe for the first feel the joy of having space to breathe. It's just the beginning but I am now determined to clear my space and make it a mirror of what I want and need in life...clarity, change and progress.

Gandhi said that we should -be the change that we wish to see in the world- I wish to see harmony and love and want to BE that and want my home, family, relationship, career, body, mind and soul to be that. In order to invite change in, there must be some space: some sacred space.

Please share your thoughts and stories with me!
Much love to you Tami